What does it take to live life again after loss?
It takes a mindset that wants to win a battle that seems never ending. Grief is a nasty little f-er that plays tricks on your mind. In order to beat the “Grief Monster” at his game, you have to be two steps ahead, yet ready to move three steps backward.
I have learned a lot about how people cope with close loss. I have talked to a tremendous amount of individuals. I have read, I have listened. But, like you reading this blog, I have experienced it first hand.
Losing your best friend, your partner is one of the hardest things any human can experience. It is the number one stressor in life. Now, losing that person decades before you were ready, is an experience far too many people are dealing with these days. Young, close loss is a beast of its own.
So how do you deal?
First, feel what you feel. I say this to my support group members. It is vital. Far too many people in our society are looking for a quick fix. Grieving your closest person, is a lot of things, and quick is not one of them. Those that try to slap a band aid over their gaping wound, end up slowing their healing process. In order to heal, one must feel. Now, no one wants to be laying on a floor, sobbing their heart out for days at a time. I get that. But you gotta let it out.
- feel sad, cry, be mad, feel cheated, guilty, hurt
- try to make healthy choices: eat well, drink water, sleep when you can
- get outside, especially on those sunny days, fresh air helps clear your mind
- go easy on yourself, this is super hard stuff
Next, evaluate your own needs. Many people do several modes of help for their healing heart. Talk therapy with a qualified therapist is one way. A Support group that fits your loss is another. Surrounding yourself with positive, uplifting people is an important way to help yourself in your journey. However, sometimes being alone is important too. Give yourself time to just be you.
I mentioned the “Grief Monster” earlier. He is one sneaky, daunting fella. You just never know when he comes around for an attack. Someone might say something insensitive, it could be a song you hear, a smell, or even that you thought you saw your loved one across the room. Grief comes in waves. When they come crashing in at you like a stormy day that lasts and lasts, it is exhausting. Other times, those waves are light but steady. Sometimes the waves seem nonexistent, and you seem to be getting along just fine. Your smile is there. You want to be social. Other times, you want to isolate.
Be sure to keep your mind as strong as possible. Mental health is something we talk much too little about in society. Grieving is a process. It effects your mind, your body, your personality and changes you as a person. You become a person so far away from who you once were. You’ll miss the old you and want her(him) back. If you work on you and your healing, the new you will surprise the hell out of you. She’ll become a fearless warrior. One who is brave and can stand strong. You really do have to convince yourself, you are capable of everything and anything. Because after all, you are amidst life’s biggest challenge, living life after losing your best friend.
When you are feeling at your worst, call on a friend. Someone you can trust to just listen. Someone that will help you let those feelings out.
Wishing you peace in your journey.
This blog post is dedicated to our newest Warrior members, Angie, Matt, and Jesse.
-Julie